- Advice For Extroverted Women Who Want to Date an Introverted Guy - Introvert Spring
- Advice For Extroverted Women Who Want to Date an Introverted Guy
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Every so often I get a message from a frustrated extroverted woman who is smitten with an introverted guy. Other questions that often come up are:. Below is the advice I typically give. You might find it surprising. Stop overcompensating and pursuing him. If you want a man who will treasure you, treat you right and make you feel like a lady, you need to shift from being dominant, pursuing, and trying to control things, into a more feminine energy …. Tap into your feminine energy by allowing men to pursue you and staying open to ALL men flirting with you and asking you out on dates not just the man you like.
If he likes you he will pursue you. You will be putting yourself in a position of always having to be the planner and pursuer, which does not feel good. Just trust me on this, beautiful. I know from A LOT of dating experience. It is always better to lean back, give some space, and allow him to pursue you. Make it known that you like him, by flirting in person and being open and receptive when he approaches you, but resist the urge to message him or devote much time to Skyping with him. As a gorgeous, confident woman, you must never give away your precious time and energy to a man who is not actively pursuing you and making you feel good.
Yes, thanks for the advice. No hovering, no stalking, no paying inordinate attention to them. They like being in stealth mode, and they hate being pursued. Introverted men love deeply from the head by giving complements that sound a bit like objective evaluations and from the heart by getting us to spend one-on-one time with them so they can share their heart.
But otherwise they feel the need to keep the relationship hidden from view. Again, very wise words! I chuckled when I read this: It takes some getting used to, but is very endearing. Very interesting when you say that some introverts give compliments in a way that look very objective and neutral. I am going out with a girl which seems quite introvert, and I am always showing my feelings I cant hide them , and she is very careful to say that she is in love with parts of me, but not with me, and that she wont promise any love, etc… This hurts me, and when I get compliments from her, it sounds always so objective, almost robotic, so i dont really feel it as a compliment.
But as you said, its just their way, and I have to get used to it. We have been dating for 3 months and I never know if she likes me or not. I tried to break up twice because I felt she didnt like me, and on those two times she fought hard to keep me, so I felt that she really likes me. I think its kinda stupid to have to make such a big drama just to check if the person likes me I dont do it on purpose, it just happens , so I hope that we get mature soon and can enjoy our times together instead of me getting worried. I love her too much to give up, but I have to admit it is very, very hard… sometimes I pray to God so that I dont get crazy on the process!!
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Advice For Extroverted Women Who Want to Date an Introverted Guy - Introvert Spring
I've read many accounts of social anxiety. And I love my girlfriend. It isn't an issue of respect. When I'm at a party and she spends the whole time sitting next to me and feeling silent, I feel I feel like I'm taking something away from her, or being the loud obnoxious brute who's monopolizing the conversation.
I feel kind of bad for your girlfriend because it seems like you haven't really tried to understand her or see things from her perspective I could see how you'd get that impression, but I assure you that isn't the case. It's much more the case of me being at a social event with her and thinking, "gee, it'd be nice to be with someone who was more of a help in a social setting" or going to a social event by myself and thinking "gee, it'd be nice to have a girlfriend who liked to go to these things" Do not stay with this girl simply because you detest the idea of being single again.
I've spent most of my life single; I can guarantee this isn't an issue. You haven't mentioned that she as any trouble with you being an extrovert, so it's all on you. You really need to sit down and ask yourself how absolutely important is it to have an extroverted partner. Are you going to be miserable if your partner isn't a social butterfly? If you are, then it's time to move on. Maybe some sort of compromise.
Can you live with the fact that she's fine in small groups of people? Maybe focus your bonding in social situations on the small groups. Please stop looking at her shyness or her inability to make small talk as a negative trait or negative implications of your friends. She's not judging you or them. If she's anything like me, she's probably interested in listening to what your friends have to say, but don't know how to relate that to herself and speak up.
Especially if your friends are extroverts. Is she nodding her head, making eye contact, giving expressions? If so, she is talking, just nonverbally. If she's just staring down at her food and pretending to be as small as possible, she is seriously uncomfortable and doesn't want to be there. In which case I'd give her hugs when you get some alone time and mention that she looked really uncomfortable and ask what I could do to make it not uncomfortable next time If you want to save this relationship, communicate more!
Not in a blaming fashion, but in a more: I'm an introvert, my husband is an extrovert Do your girlfriend a favor and end it, so she can find someone who loves and accepts her entire personality. Just for the record, there are shy people who aren't introverts and introverts who aren't shy. So it takes her more than six months to be comfortable joining in a pre-existing group of friends.
This isn't some huge flaw. It might be a dealbreaker for you it sounds like it , but it's not a flaw. She isn't going to be a "help" in social settings, and she isn't going to start to want to go big parties or big meals and she isn't going to change this. If this irritates you so much you are cringing at her text messages, just break up with her.
Also, I see a lot of you are zeroing in on the part where I said, "I see shyness as a mostly-negative personality trait, or at least something to overcome. Everyone has character flaws, including me. I'm beginning to wonder if I phrased the question poorly; I'm not really asking for an "up or down vote", I'm really mostly looking for others who have been in similar situations and am interested in how they dealt with it.
It's much more the case of me being at a social event with her and thinking, "gee, it'd be nice to be with someone who was more of a help in a social setting" or going to a social event by myself and thinking "gee, it'd be nice to have a girlfriend who liked to go to these things" Then your current girlfriend is not the girlfriend for you, unfortunately.
Unless you are both in your mid-to-late teens, it is unlikely that her inherent introverted nature is going to change dramatically enough to fully meet your needs. I mean, sure, she might be the life of the party if she developed a drug or alcohol dependency, but that's not exactly the best way to heal a troubled relationship. For me, I read multiple times that you aren't happy. You wince at her sappy messages, you fantasize about dating other people, you are hoping that if you wait it out, she'll change.
If this statement isn't you settling, I don't know what is. Here's a question she or someone in her position could write: I'm a big 'ol introvert. I have a lot of hobbies and close friends I enjoy, and I like arranging my life so that I have quiet time to think and dream and do the things I like. If I don't get time to do those things on a regular basis, I start to feel overstimulated and stressed out.
More than that, I just don't value the sorts of vapid, shallow conversations that people have at big parties full of strangers. I prefer to spend time with a few close friends with whom I can be myself and have deep relationships, even if a lot of our interaction takes place virtually. I am not willing to give up my rich inner life to spend more time making small talk with strangers. My boyfriend is an extrovert. He doesn't like being alone with his thoughts. He needs constant noise and stimulation to function.
Frankly, I think he's afraid of silence and being alone because it forces him to confront his own feelings and thoughts, and he'd rather be distracted so that he doesn't have to think deeply about things. He's not opposed to quiet dinners with just a few people sometimes, but he insists on constantly distracting himself from the things that really matter by pursuing noise and activity and shallow small talk with people whom he doesn't really let get to know him. I worry that he's incapable of building a close relationship because he's gotten so used to shallow acquaintances that he rotates through constantly as he gets bored of them.
He almost never wants to sit at home quietly with me so that we can enjoy being alone together, and I worry that his constant need for distraction is preventing us from really having the sort of close relationship I want. Ideally, I'd have a mate who is as introspective as I am, or at least not such an extrovert.
He'd have his own rich inner life, and we could enjoy spending time alone together without needing to be distracted by activity. I realize that I'm a bit of an oddball and I'm lucky to have found him, but I'm afraid that we'll never be as close as I'd like because of his constant need to find new strangers to talk to. About a week ago, he dragged me to yet another room full of strangers, then abandoned me to go talk to people he didn't know.
I didn't really have much to say and was feeling overwhelmed, so I was pretty quiet. Afterwards, he confronted me and told me that I made the situation awkward for him by not being louder and more exciting. He didn't want to accept that it takes me a while to warm up to people and that these stranger-courting skills he takes for granted are out of my comfort zone. He told me that shyness is a negative personality trait and that I should work to overcome it. He thinks I have a mental illness social anxiety because I enjoy really getting to know people instead of making vapid small talk in a huge, loud room.
The thing is, I don't really want to become like him. I'm happy to have him go off and do his own thing, but I get the sense that he doesn't actually like my personality because I'm not as flashy and exciting as he wants me to be. I also suspect that he might be pretty shallow, and I'm not sure whether someone who feels the need to constantly seek out new experiences can ever actually commit to a long-term relationship with just one person. So, should I break up with him? Do you see what I did there? I described her personality traits in a positive way and yours negatively deep and thoughtful rather than flashy and loud.
I made assumptions about your mental health based on your superficial behavior he must be shallow and afraid to share his feelings because he has so many acquaintances and scorns the desire for a few close friendships. Basically, I did the reverse of what you've been doing to her. I'm not saying that she feels the way I've described.
I'm saying that you're being deeply unfair to her, and just as it's not okay for me to do that to you, it's not okay for you to do that to other people. The two of you are different, and that's okay. What's not okay is your view that your way of doing things is the right way and hers is the wrong way. You say that you're "absolutely unwilling to change" your desire for constant stimulation from other people and that you want her to "overcome" her "mostly-negative" desire for quiet time free of social activity.
That's not a sustainable relationship. You need to decide whether you can love her actual personality rather than the hypothetical personality you think she should work towards having. I'm really mostly looking for others who have been in similar situations and am interested in how they dealt with it. Both sides have to view this as a problem, want to fix it and make and effort to do so.
Two nights a week go be extroverted. Two nights you go be introverted. Two nights a week go solo with friends. Flip for the seventh. Like any couple problem, you work together on it and find a compromise that pleases you both. I think if you are out having a solo social life, and simultaneously you think of her shyness as something that bothers you, you might end up cheating at some point. As an introverted female, when I've dated extroverted guys it often ended up that way.
I didn't want to go out to bars and parties, they did, and they ended up meeting other girls who were more like them. I ended up an introverted guy for this reason. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have the basic things that are important to you. It's not fair to you or her. I'm sure it's just in the way you wrote the question and the fact that you're asking for advice but it seems that in your view of her, "introvert" takes precedence over "girlfriend".
If this problem was something that could be overcome, you'd appear more concerned about how she's feeling in a social setting. I'm an introvert with an extroverted spouse and though he thrives on being around people, he also cares deeply for how I'm doing and puts his need to socialize on the backburner if he's worried that I'm uncomfortable. I do my best to socialize if it appears to make him happy, and he does his best to tone it back if it appears to make me happy. However, just remember you may not be a social butterfly forever. What are your ages? Values regarding friends and social activities can change dramatically.
Personally, I became much more of a homebody over the years. My husband is an introvert, and I'm extremely chatty, outgoing and so on. When we go to events or social occasions, I make a big effort to introduce him to people, point out similar interests, etc. He's not going to tell jokes to 40 people at once, but he does start chatting--he doesn't sit there, waiting for me to carry the whole social load.
While we didn't make an explicit deal about this, it's worked out over the years. It would be ungracious of him to be stone silent, and it would be rude of me to leave him to fend for himself. It's got to be a team effort. Okay, I'm going to leave this thread alone for a while. I forgot that if you ask people for advice, they'll often tell you to quit your job, leave your girlfriend, start a new business, and travel the world.
Because they don't have to deal with any of the consequences. Maybe this question is unbalanced a bit. Anyway, if I could request anything of future commenters, I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" And please do realize that I love this woman. I really do not want to break up with her. I am extremely extroverted. My husband is extremely introverted. We've been together for sixteen and a half years. The most important thing I can tell you right now is to absolutely ruthlessly root out any sense that shyness or introversion is a character flaw or something to be overcome.
It is a fundamental part of who your partner is. If you can't or are unwilling to love this part of her as much as you love the rest of her, you need to move on, because nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is waiting for them to get over their personality. If you stay with this person, then a major part of your relationship is going to be you going out while she stays home, and you entertaining friends in the living room while she reads a book in the bedroom. Examples are illustrative, not predictive. This is not because she is uncomfortable and resentful, it is because that's what she wants to be doing and it makes her happy.
If you need someone who is going to be happy going out with you and doing the things that you do, then this woman is not that person, and expecting her to be will only lead to heartache. I love my introverted husband. I love him because he's an introvert, not despite it, though. You need to be able to do the same for this to work out. The reason everyone is telling you to break up with her is because you seem to want a different answer than that.
I've been the introvert half of that relationhip, and it did not work out. These days I'm with someone who is still much more extroverted than I am, but not to the extent that my ex was, and we do make it work. It takes a good mix of him going out alone sometimes, me sucking it up and being social sometimes, and planning ahead so we both know we're going to a party Friday and I'm therefore going to be drained and not up to socializing the rest of the weekend. And both of us realizing the other person's thing is not negative or wrong, just a different way of interfacing with the world.
If you hadn't framed this with the negative personality trait stuff I'd be heartily encouraging you to keep talking it out and working on compromises. But the way you talk about her makes me hesitant. Good luck, however this ends up. If you do want to give this relationship a go, this is where to focus your attention.
Not on her and why she needs to change or you need to leave , but on you. With compassionate curiosity, look more deeply into your own reactions. What emotions and stories come up when she is being quiet in a group of your friends? What do those emotions remind you of? What do you fear will happen? What are you making it mean?
As an extrovert, one of your "character flaws" may be a lack of tendency to look inward, to witness and reflect on your own interior monologue. In other words, you might not know what you think until you hear what you say. I am an extrovert, and this happens to me all the time. Talking with a counselor or a trusted friend can help in this process. I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" Maybe because there aren't that many people for whom this has worked out.
And please do realize that I love this woman. Then accept, without resentment, that she may never be able to fulfill your social expectations without likely a lot of personal stress and emotional upset. Discuss with her everything you've mentioned here and try to reach a compromise.
I don't think you're a jerk, I just think you are perhaps lacking a true understanding of how utterly fucking exhausting it is for introverts to be frequently put into social situations that they find stressful, and then face questioning about their already uncomfortable feelings afterwards.
You obviously have empathy for your girlfriend's situation, so can you try to imagine how awkward it must have been for HER? Although I can tell you what it will tell you, it's really really worth the read. I don't know why I even bother answering these kinds of questions with my own opinion when she has done it so much better.
I have been in your situation, but as the introvert. Things have never worked out between me and an extroverted partner. I'm getting the "this guy is likely to stray" vibes from you and I really feel that you two should call it quits. I'm you in this situation, and my husband is your girlfriend. After 10 years together, I've learned that if I need to socialize, a lot of that socialization is going to happen without my husband.
We have some mutual friends, but I have lots of friends that I see on my own. She's not gonna change. Is the above something that is okay with you? Oh and I am an extrovert with social anxiety ouch and my partner is an introvert to the max. We do pretty well because--and this is key--my ideal life does not include an extroverted partner. That's the problem here. Not her introversion, but the fact that your ideal life includes a partner who can be a social butterfly with you. I'm sorry this is so hard. Anyway, if I could request anything of future commenters, I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" What people are telling you and what I agree with, as an introvert who has successfully dated extroverts is that your expectations of her are out of line and need to be adjusted in order to overcome this issue.
Her experience, mindset, and preferences are valid. She doesn't need fixing. What an extrovert like you needs to do in this situation is think through what you want and be realistic about whether this relationship can be that for you. It's okay if the answer is no. If the answer is yes, you need to figure out how to accept what you view as her limitations and not call her out on them or get upset about them.
Advice For Extroverted Women Who Want to Date an Introverted Guy
She has chosen to go with you, to do something you enjoy. If she was really, truly miserable at an event, I'm assuming she could leave. Give her more permission to be be herself, and don't spend so much time monitoring her social engagement. By all mean, check in with her, make sure you talk to her and stand near her often in a social situation but don't obsess about how much she is talking.
Simply enjoy that she came to the event with you. I'm an introvert who was in a relationship for many years with an extrovert. He always had to be at every party and was always the last person to leave the bar at closing. Trying to keep up with him was exhausting for me. It worked well for a while when I could come and go as I pleased - go home before him and so on. However, things started to fall apart because he had no interest in the small dinners with friends that I wanted, and he also started to feel that I didn't "support" him enough socially.
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On the other hand, I felt like he was a black hole of social need and nothing I did would ever be enough. It all ended badly, with him cheating with late night party girls, as permiechickie points out is a risk. I guess they were more supportive? If you really just want to figure out how to make this work, here's what I suggest I am a shy extrovert, if that means anything: Learn how to direct the flow of conversation so that she has things to add, or comment on; figure out which of your friends she has the most in common with, attempt to get them talking.
If this means finding people with whom she has things in common, and then essentially starting a conversation for them, do it. I hate when people do this to me. I can get over my shyness once I've become comfortable somewhere or with a certain group of people, but if I'm left to myself right away I will miserable.
If she can handle hanging out in small groups, do that more often, or manufacture a situation in which people are more inclined to splinter into groups like this. I can feel a million kinds of awkward in someone else's home, but if I have people over it's like a base level of comfort that makes it easier to talk and interact. She seems great for you in a lot of ways - awesome. She is never, ever going to be the social butterfly you think you want. That is what other people your friends are going to be for. Putting less emphasis on dragging her along everywhere you go might help you appreciate the times she is willing to come out and socialize.
This is a tricky dynamic to navigate, I would suggest giving it some time to see if it can work, but if you're having these same thoughts in, say, 6 months, it may be time to throw in the towel. I also made some concessions with him, since I knew he'd only be willing to socialize for a few hours at most.
I'd get dropped off at a party and enjoy myself for the busiest parts of the night, and then when things started to wind down I'd call him for a ride and he'd spend an hour in the drunk and funny-to-watch diminishing crowd, talking to the few sober people left, and then we'd leave. Knowing he only had to last an hour or so, he was a lot better with putting on a social persona as best as he could manage and when he was done we left.
Knowing about the party a few days in advance and knowing I'd only ask that of him that weekend, he was more willing to try and stretch his limits. He liked how proud and happy I was for him to make that effort for me. We didn't break up because of his introversion, but I am dating someone now who's far more extroverted than I am I had no idea that's possible! And the shoe's on the other foot, I get worn out before he does in huge crowds of people I barely know.
So I've applied what I learned from the ex, and it's been working for us. You could be my boyfriend about two months ago. We were to the point of nearly breaking up because I'm more introverted than he is. My job and school require most of my social energy, so when he wanted to go to another party where I'd know one or two people at best, I had a bit of a breakdown. We spent a weekend talking about our different social needs, and we've readjusted, and have a lot of ways to accommodate each other. It does require both of us to compromise. But we make it work because we love each other and want the other to be happy and comfortable.
Here are some of the things we agreed on: We have a time limit on how long we're going to stay at parties. Part of my dread of parties was that we'd go at eight and stay until four, and I just don't have that in me. So we agree on a time, and at that time I can say whether I stay or go. If I want to leave, he doesn't have to; he usually does, though. He manipulates the heck out of me in the best way possible.
He talks up individual people to me, and says how much they want to talk to me about X. He mentions that so-and-so is really looking forward to meeting me. He steers conversations toward things that I care about. He gives me background on people so I can ask them about things. He makes it as easy as possible for me to talk with his friends. He's very attentive and inclusive when we're at parties together, so I don't ever feel like he's abandoned me.
We have and use a rescue-me signal. We've started going to more activity-focused events - running groups, bowling parties, a giant treasure hunt. I cope better with these. If I'm getting pouty or tired, I take a walk. Sometimes I just need five minutes alone. He'll pick one or two social things a weekend that he'd really really really like me to attend, and the rest are optional.
We formed new weekly outings with his friends. There was something I didn't like about just joining in on his friends' weekly TV show viewings and game night and happy hour. He lets me be quiet when I want to be quiet we have a signal for that, too. I've absolved him of all responsibility for me having a good time. I know that my SO has made a lot of accommodations for me. We're both making sacrifices, but not once has he asked me to change or not be myself. He gives me a lot of positive feedback when I make an effort, and he also compliments me on my more introverted traits.
You're not going to be able to change your girlfriend; the best you can do is to create an environment that puts up the fewest barriers to her sociability. The keys have been understanding that it's perfectly OK with her to go do my own things and have fun without her. She doesn't mind and in fact likes having time to herself. In the beginning, it felt weird to me to do things without her. But now I can realize that she needs to recharge her batteries in quiet time, while I often recharge by doing new things and being out with people. Sometimes she does the quiet thing, sometimes she's the life of the party.
I've learned to accept it as her being her and not a reflection on me or something I need to manage. We have learned to be open about whether one of us wants to leave early or simply doesn't want to go somewhere. It's awkward at first to be honest and not so concerned about pleasing the other person, but it works out better in the long run. We tend to be OK letting the other one make decisions about our shared life. For example, I used to get very worked up if she tried to plan a vacation without going over all the details with me first.
Now she'll say, "Since we agreed to go on vacation this summer, I bought the plane tickets today. In the end it really doesn't matter, but in the past it would make me crazy. If you can get OK with giving up some control in the relationship, it will work out great. Among other things, you wrote, "Ideally, I'd have a mate who's EVERY relationship is like that! I don't think you should bail on this relationship if your main complaint is that she hates attending larger social funtions.
You two seem to be compatible on the "big" issues. YOU need to change your mindset, and just figure out how to deal with her introversion. Mainly it will probably mean "letting go" of a need that you seem to have for her to be a particular way, and accept her as she is. Unlike others here, I'm not alarmed by your thoughts of dating other people or wincing a little when she mentions your long-term future. You are just fantasizing in response to the conflicts you're experiencing in your mind.
My attitude is, go ahead and play out all kinds of scenarios in your head I do all the time! Just don't believe them. It sounds trite, but just try to always "count your blessings" when your thoughts turn negative, keep your mouth shut when in doubt, and ALWAYS treat her with the same level of courtesy and respect that you'd treat a work colleague - - and over time you will get used to it, and you will know acceptance. I have introvert tendencies. Even in a group of people I know well, I can only tolerate so much togetherness before I have to go. My friends seem to accept that I'm the first to leave every party and that it has nothing to do with them, it's just that I have only so much energy for groups.
I've stopped seeing this as a flaw. It's a whole bundle of characteristics including strengths and weaknesses. Things that help me are people gently bringing me into the conversation, giving me openers, making me feel welcome. Structure helps - a group project or a game like Trivial Pursuit or Apples to Apples gives me something to do and makes it easier to talk and participate. It might also help for you to introduce her to your friends in very small groups.
If she generally meets them in giant parties, that could explain why she is still uncomfortable with them. It might also help if you can compromise - she goes to one larger outing a month with you, the rest of the time she gets to do her thing. I am more extroverted married to a fairly introverted man. Our best couple friends are the reverse -- he is very extroverted, she is very very!
I will call my husband Hubs, and our friends Joe and Jane. I think it's harder for Joe than it is for me, because when you're married and in your 30s, wives are expected to be social directors and more of the socializing occurs through the wife maintaining the network of friendships and community relationships. Another of our couple friends, where my husband sees the man literally every day and I only see the wife every couple of weeks, the men decided we should all have dinner together, and then they decided, "Let's tell our wives to set it up. Anyway, Jane is not, and never will be, a social director.
Jane is SO shy it took me 18 months to convince her to come get a pedicure with me, even though she liked me. Joe has to do all the work to maintain their network of relationships -- and that gets harder as people start to have kids, etc. Moms network with other moms. I have the experience of going with my husband to a party and having to either leave him sitting like a lump to hold up the wall, or squire him around nursing the conversation along.
Neither was very much fun.
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Sometimes it's easier to go by yourself and not have to "babysit" your introvert. But here's the thing: As I've gotten older my husband and I have been together since our early 20s , I've realized that my husband is perfectly happy sitting and watching the party. He doesn't NEED me to babysit him. He finds himself a quiet corner and hangs out. People we know know that he's more quiet in social situations, and plenty of them will now go seek him out to chat for a few minutes when they need a party break -- but they mostly know he's unlikely to initiate a conversation at a party unless he has something he specifically wants to say.
Neither of them is ever going to work the room. Joe and I are the ones who pull friends into our orbits. Most of my husband's friends are also my good friends because I'm just more sociable. If it's important to you that you have a partner who can introduce you to more people and be the life of the party, then no, I don't think this relationship will work. I also think that it's harder for an extroverted man to be with an introverted woman than vice versa because of social expectations for couples as you age.
I guess how we deal with it is that it's just not that big a deal. I find my husband a restful person most of the time who's less frenetic than I am, socially, and it helps keep me grounded. I appreciate that about him, I don't resent it; and as I've gotten older and a bit more mature, I've realized that's part and parcel of the same thing that has him be not super-chatty at parties -- which isn't hurting anybody. And I can be social enough for the both of us. The description of your relationship is me introvert and my wife extrovert. We've been together for ten years now, so it can work.
It's not so much that I'm an introvert per se, but there are only a few people I know that I genuinely enjoy being around. None of my wife's friends are in this group. This avoids the whole "Why didn't you talk at the dinner party" argument. Don't put your lady in a situation you know she's not going to feel comfortable in and you'll argue a whole lot less, which will make you love and appreciate the several wonderful things you like about her.
I simply can't fake enjoying being around people that I don't feel comfortable or enjoy being around, and neither can I bet your GF. My wife and I spend time together when we go out and do many of the things you described, so we get plenty of quality time with each other.
If this is a person you genuinely enjoy being around separate of the issues you described here, I'd try like heck to keep this relationship going, because while there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are only so many you'd want to bring home for dinner. If you want to make it work, sit down and have a talk about how the two of you could make it work. Start with building mutual appreciation for your differences. You could have a pretty good respect building conversation with her about the positive aspects of your different approaches to socializing.
Right now you both seem to be entrenched in your separate perspectives, when neither of them is really right or wrong. She's more of a depth person when it comes to people, and you're more of a breadth person. Here's an exercise; both of you come up with a list of reasons for why being an introvert is awesome, and why being an extrovert is awesome. Then read your lists together and compare them. Here's a few ideas to start: Being an extrovert means you're exposed to a variety of perspectives. It can be very grounding to know that nobody is exactly right.
Being an extrovert is also fun because there are some things you just can't do by yourself, like crowd surfing or running a relay race. Being an introvert means that your few friends are often your friends for life. You can pick up where you left off with them even if you haven't talked in a few months.
You spend lots of time with them, so you know them really well; you remember details and quirks and have a lot of ridiculous little in jokes built up from years of knowing each other. It's a very intense form of intimacy, and it is very enjoyable. I'm sure you guys can think of more. You're supposed to be a team and support each other. Work on the problem together. Good luck; speaking as a shy-ish extrovert, I do not envy the rock and hard place you're stuck between. I'm going to replace you with my husband and your girlfriend with me. I am not a social person at all and my husband does not press the issue.
It's just how I am. There are times when I wish I was a social butterfly, but any effort on my part is met with my own insecurities that are deeply rooted and that are hard to change. I don't see this as a negative.