- 7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids
- Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog
- 7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids | Thought Catalog
I had wanted a partner, but one with kids? My dating profile indicated that I was open to it, but the gesture was theoretical.
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I had never dated anyone with children, and I never wanted my own. Are you a veteran of L. We want to publish your story. I remember the first time I heard his youngest daughter's voice.
7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids
She'd called when we were driving to the Mark Taper Forum in downtown Los Angeles, and we put her on speakerphone while I remained silent because she didn't yet know her dad was dating. As we inched along the Freeway, my anxiety increased. I had become accustomed to our time alone: He gave me tennis lessons and I dragged him to yoga class. We went to Club 33 at Disneyland and he treated me to couples massages and pool time at the Four Seasons spa.
But my favorite thing was always cuddling on the couch and talking. I was starting to wonder what our relationship would look like when it became a story for four, instead of two.
We decided to wait six months before my first meeting with his girls: We figured flashing lights and photo booths, prizes and pinball, loud noises and lots of other kids would be a good distraction from "Dad has a girlfriend," which also means: David's daughters are sweet and smart, loving and funny and generous and affectionate … and my friend Jennifer was right. I could hardly stand keeping my distance.
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Like a puppy dog, I wanted to cuddle up to them and play, but I remembered her advice not to overwhelm them, so I pretended like this was all no big deal, and tried to find the feline inside. I tried to relax, think of the stretch of time ahead of us, remind myself there's no rush. Because my own parents are divorced, I know what it's like when Dad has a girlfriend. Months later, in a quiet moment, I told the girls as much, and let them know it's OK to have any range of feelings about all this. Her sister, silent, looked at me, and tilted her head, as if to say, "Hmmm… we'll see about you.
We have tried to do all the "right" things: But it's still hard sometimes, and I think about Jennifer's advice quite a bit. There's nothing like it online. Instead, I find hundreds of articles about how to advance and evolve, take steps forward. For me, however, progress has come only with a practice of restraint: Relax like a cat and take a step back.
The first time I attended a school play, David's daughter came out after the show. I wanted to run over and hug her, give her the flowers we brought, congratulate her on a good performance — until I saw her mom and realized that my desires were tertiary. The girls come first, their parents second, and I'm a distant third. I took a physical step back and let their mom have the moment. It happens all the time. Even now, out of respect for the girls' privacy, I self-limit sharing stories. I usually sit on the other side of the couch so the girls can cuddle up with their dad when we watch movies.
They bicker and I remain silent, allowing him to parent as he sees fit. Be a free agent.
When opportunity calls, even from states away, heed the call. You are not married to this man.
Best advice I ever got for dating a guy with kids: Be like a cat, not a dog
You are not even engaged to this man. If you move in with him it would be very hard to leave and yet very hard to stay. The father is trying to set it up so you feel guilt, so you move in, so you seamlessly move where the family moves, so you will help take care of the child. You are very young. I suggest keeping the relationship light and casual. And perhaps date another young, free person. The key sentence in your share, for me, is this: I think the relationship is likely to deteriorate and end if you do not bring stuff like this up with him.
And you did state: Got to talk to him, if you want this relationship to improve. Bring up all topics pace yourself, of course - everything that bothers you. Do so responsibly, not blaming him but taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not a bad person for feeling this or that.
When you share a feeling with him that is unpleasant for you to experience and to share with him, see how he responds. Depending on his response and what develops in the conversation, you might very well be very surprised how better you feel, and how clearer things become for you. I was drawn to your story since I am still recovering from this break-up which happened about 2 weeks ago.
I met him through a mutual friend when I was a flight attendant based in San Francisco. His son was also super sweet and would always give me gifts candy and glitter pens and sing me songs. I eventually moved in with him and his family since he kept on telling me it made more sense to save money and convenience since I was always over anyways.
However, as time progressed, I grew more and more uncomfortable with being a stepmom as well. I felt feelings of awkwardness whenever his ex came over to pick up his son to hang out. I also thought I could handle it at first, but I also had feelings of jealousy and frustration.
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All of that anxiety caused me to randomly cry at least once or twice a week over how unhappy I was with the situation. I felt like that is usually how a normal single female would feel like. Because of my unhappiness, I quit my job and moved back home to LA to pursue my goal as an elementary school teacher. I feel so much happier now. I think being in an uncomplicated relationship would suit me better because I prefer a drama free life.
Furthermore, his son grew attached to me and eventually started texting me. It made me feel so guilty in breaking it off. Based on my experience, I would suggest listening to your intuition. I regret hurting them both. That was the hardest part of the break-up and if I could do it again I would have made a better decision. Dreaming, Inky, Anita, Chrissy… Wow. Thank you so much for your wise and kind words. I value partnership, and freedom to a degree. He was the first person to tell me that he would love me forever, that he would marry me… I know he would, too.
Perhaps if he trusted me more. But other times, yes, I wish it were less complicated. You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids | Thought Catalog